I'm still here.
I think...
I finally sat down and typed out my thoughts about the last few months & the next time that I logged on to finish, the post was gone. I promise you that I saved it. Man-eyyyy times. Harsh.
Soooo...I'm thinking one of a few things...
A.) Either Blogger hasn't seen the best of days since I have made this blog (gotta love the mysterious world of computers and the intra-net).
B.) I have the worst luck as a blogger.
or....
C.) Blogging just isn't meant to be for me.
I like to think it is "A". Hence, me logging back in a few days later and presenting you with this post!
It's one of those rough patches in life right now...
While Boogabee & I were visiting in NY at the end of March, my grandmother went into the hospital, was diagnosed with cancer, sent home to "be comfy"and passed away... all in a span of three weeks. My 2.5 week visit for a baby shower quickly turned into a 5 week visit filled with some priceless moments of laughter, bonding and sadness. In those 5 weeks, I was amazed, happy, sad, thankful, overwhelmed, educated...plus some. I spent more time with my grandmother and the rest of our family than I have since I got married almost 7 years ago. My dad has 7 brothers & sisters, so there are lots of us (!) and the majority would get together for meals, look at pictures, tell stories...
So many crazy things fell into place for me to even be up there with family at this hard time. It boggles my mind and reduces me to tears at how it worked out that I was up visiting. It was obviously in the big guy's plan for us to be there. I can't put into words how grateful I am.
My sister, and two of my cousins (daughters of some of the seven mentioned above) are a few of my best-est-est friends. Many years ago, our family started calling the four of us "YaYa's" and it stuck. Two of us are married with daughters (and yes, we were pregnant at the same time..our daughters are 3 months apart!), my sister is not married/has no children yet and the other yaya is engaged and gave birth to her first child on May 3rd. It was for her baby shower that we had flown to NY for originally.
Towards the end of her pregnancy, she became severely preeclamptic and developed HELLP syndrome so she was induced. Aiden Joseph was born 4.5 wks early with a severe intraventricular hemmorhage. He lived for one week.
I can't exactly put into words what I think or feel. I can only imagine it is ten gazillion times worse for my yaya. There are alot of questions unanswered still and our birthing situations could have almost been interchangeable. I cry often and I hug Avery a whole tighter. I can't watch the schnasty late nite reruns of "16 & Pregnant" anymore. It makes me upset because it doesn't seem fair that those girls get to have their babies. (And you know, honestly, I don't miss it at all...)
We didn't have a chance to catch our breathes from the first loss to have it be topped by an even greater, more tragic loss. I'm not angry with God for putting all of us through these events, but I have questioned how much sadness one can stand in a short amount of time. I pray for my dad, aunts & uncles who no longer have a parent on earth and I try not to think about what that is like. I thank God for letting me know my grandmother for almost 30 years and for her to see and play with Avery. And I thank God for making me be a part of this awesome family and in turn being able to surround my daughter with these people. I pray for understanding and happiness for my yaya in the months and years to come. She will be forever changed. I believe we all will...
Though, thru all the tears, this quote has been stuck in my head.
Where Hope Grows, Miracles Blossom.
